Embracing and Understanding Autistic Identity: Discovering and Celebrating Life After an Autism Diagnosis

So, you're curious about discovering your true identity (like a spy from another solar system) or you've received your autism diagnosis and you want to understand what it means to truly embrace your autistic self. Congratulations! You've just unlocked a new level in the game of life, complete with unique power-ups and a few unexpected side quests. For many autistic individuals, myself included, obtaining a formal autism diagnosis is a step towards discovering and embracing our autistic identity.

Ultimately, this decision is entirely up to you, as it's merely one step, and skipping it can still lead you to your own brand of transformative adventure since we're naturally curious and love to explore. Only you can determine if an autism diagnosis is beneficial for you. Whether you're self-diagnosed or you’ve received an official autism diagnosis, you know you're different, and life is about to become more fun on this wonderful spectrum.

Knowing we're autistic, regardless of how we come to the realisation, can be both enlightening and challenging. It shines light on lifelong experiences and efforts that are often different, at times frustrating or isolating (and we know we're not fond of bright lights). For some, this discovery may instinctively offer clarity, while for others, it could lead to further confusion or provide a profound sense of relief, like we've finally found the missing piece. It might also finally explain our intense interest in certain subjects, like space travel, as if searching for our rightful planet.

This blog post shares insights from my personal experiences and offers practical advice on cultivating self-acceptance and enhancing self-esteem within our autistic identity.

The Reflections on My Autistic Identity After an Autism Diagnosis

As a late-diagnosed autistic woman born and grew up in Asia before moving to the West at a young age, I've become well-versed in both standing out and handling curveballs. Plus, having unpredictable parents from the start has also prepared me to navigate the world differently. Finally receiving a name in the process of my autism diagnosis as an adult was no surprise given that I always felt like an outsider, just never knew there’s an explanation for why I am different. I consider this as my very own origin story, garnished with my bilingual skills, bicultural insights, and talent for creating personal side quests to challenge the norms of both worlds.

I've always appreciated practical and concrete solutions that I can recognise as a positive contribution towards a situation, or use in a meaningful way. Thus, receiving a name from the autism diagnosis was just the beginning for me, as it has yet to transform into something tangible in my paths of self-understanding.

Suddenly, I started to reflect on my past, recalling many vivid memories from my experiences—those moments of feeling different—I used to dismiss these feelings by attributing them to cultural differences, but now I align them with a deeper understanding of my autistic identity.

Reflecting on my autistic identity has allowed me to make sense of past experiences and recognise how I've been building my own foundation uniquely. My practical and logical nature, which I attribute to my autism, has greatly enhanced my self-esteem and self-acceptance, and I will explore this in the post. It can also be an amusing read that validates your unique experiences or acts as a guide to embracing and celebrating our autistic identity following an autism diagnosis.

Self-Acceptance: Embracing and Understanding Autistic Identity

Each individual's identity can be as intricate as we choose, and by keeping an open mind, it's easy to grasp that there are no standard human moulds in our world—just like cookie cutters aren't identical. If we can accept the ideas presented in "The Matrix", we can certainly embrace the notion of neurodiversity, which is simply our neurons (brain cells) expressing rebellion against typical patterns and showcasing uniqueness.

We might be born tall or short, with brown or blue eyes, straight or curly hair, as furry as a bear or as smooth as a dolphin... The list goes on. These attributes make us unique, and we strive to embrace every physical aspect of ourselves. So, why should it be any different for our wonderfully complex brains? Just because we can't see the softies inside our skulls—unless you happen to have an MRI machine at home—doesn't mean we should fear our brains. There are far more scarier things in life, so let's not fixate on our differences and focus on practicing self-acceptance.

1. Create A Self-Reflection Voyage for Autistic Identity

Give yourself time for self-reflection, considering it part of your personal growth or a reason to simply dive straight into your comfy chair with your cozy blankets and slippers. As you reflect, keep in mind that our unique qualities are just that—unique—so stop striving for perfection. Some traits we may love, and others we might question, much like our physical features, but this doesn't mean we aren't freaking amazing.

For instance, when I was young, my family often commented on how flat my nose was, how big my mouth was, how much of a tomboy I was, or how odd I seemed. These are simply the viewpoints of others, and we can absolutely form our own perspective—like my nose is a practical organ and can breath just as well as anyone else's, I can fit more Dragon's Beard Candy in my mouth, and I was clearly an early advocate for fluidity, and my oddity means I'm "The One".

2. Discover More About Autism

Having a name doesn't instantly grant us complete understanding of autism or make our autistic identity capable of explaining all mysteries. In reality, discovering more about autism is likely one of the initial steps we take, and this time, we're doing it with the awareness of our neurodiversity, which allows us to give the knowledge real meaning—much like a dictionary of our uniqueness.

Personally, the more I understand something, the more at ease I become. Knowledge is an important part of my identity, and discovering what being autistic means to me is a form of self-care for my physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing. The knowledge feeds my soul and it's yummy!

3. Value Your Unique Differences

During the autism diagnosis process, many differences and challenges are often emphasised, as these are typical methods used to identify if someone is on the autism spectrum. The key point to remember is that the spectrum is vast, and each person's experience is unique. For example, research suggests 1 in 44 children is diagnosed with autism, yet the expression of autism can differ greatly. This knowledge was liberating.

Rather than letting the world to label our divergence as deficits, we create our own reframing strategies to see these unique differences as integral to our identity and as having guided us through life thus far. Unless there's a class on what makes a perfect human that we have missed, we shouldn't overly concern ourselves with research that doesn't validate our experiences. Instead, we should wisely use our intense focus to appreciate how our valuable differences make the world more interesting.

4. Practice Self-Acceptance

Let's address this upfront: self-acceptance takes time, so it's important to be patient with ourselves. If enlightenment happens overnight, we'd all be zen masters, and many industries would collapse, leading to an economy crash. The mindset that aids in embracing our autistic identity involves recognising the needs to practice. Just as athletes don't become champions overnight and dogs don't earn treats with just one look without regular practice, we too need consistent practice.

We all have aspects that might be seen as imperfections, and we can choose to accept that we're not flawless—after all, who is? We can also decide to remove our masks, allowing the real us to emerge. Imagine being perfect constantly; it would be boring and too much pressure, so no thanks, I'm content being a masterpiece in progress and improving over time. Practicing self-acceptance is a very empowering tool on our quest, so keep moving forward or backward (as I mentioned, it's not straightforward).

5. Celebrating Autistic Traits

Our unique autistic traits shape our identity, influencing how we live and interact with our surroundings. Our nature can be multilayered, serving as positive contributions, aspects that require a little extra or significantly more effort, and qualities that make us stand out. I've compiled a short list of traits that are often seen in a negative light, but with a change in perspective, we can take pride in them.

Sensory Sensitivities: Super senses are really useful for perceiving our environment, allowing us to be the first to notice potential dangers and retreat to safety. Consider them as survival instincts. Much like how birds naturally detect an incoming storm, our sensitivities are just that; they get us wrapped up in our fluffy blanket burrito quicker.

Too Direct: Also know as bluntness that may offend others. It’s just honesty; not an attack. We communicate directly and would greatly appreciate direct responses to our questions too. Isn't it more confusing to imply rather than just express things clearly? Why create more work with unspoken rules? It’s tiring; let's put an end to the nonsense!

Inner Worlds: From childhood, many aspects of the world, like toys, playgrounds, schools, clothing, and TV shows, aren't created with us in mind. We not only recognise this, but we can also utilise our incredible minds. Our imagination is rich and vibrant, offering us endless entertainment. It'd be a waste to see this as a downside when we can cultivate self-care from within and find immense joy in our inner worlds.

Embarking on the Quirky Quest of Autistic Identity: Building Self-Esteem

Whether you're just starting your adventure or have been on this wild ride for a while, we can all agree that this process isn't straightforward; it fluctuates with each step, revealing something new about ourselves—like discovering that we can indeed be both a genius and a total misfit at the same time!

Being autistic is amazing, and I see it as an identity to be celebrated. I'm confident we can create a sensory-friendly equivalent to a Pride Parade for us. Honestly, majority of the populations are truly missing out on the marvels of being naturally diverse. The concept of normality (the mythical creature) was simply bunch of stuff that were made up by someone who tripped over their own expectations long ago.

Why clutch on to it so tightly when we can let it go like a breath of air? Our bodies can perform the complex task of exchanging oxygen from the air we breathe for carbon dioxide from our blood, which is a waste product of cellular metabolism. If our bodies can manage such complexity, surely we can let go of an intangible concept. Now go forth with your unique identity and conquer your quests—just be wary of the trolls (and the small talk)!

Embark on this distinctive adventure. Dare to stand out, whether in a bold or subtle way, and embrace a sensory-friendly lifestyle. Show the world what it means to be your authentic self! Here are some insights from my own experiences, which can be fearless at times and might even chase out the trolls:

1. Exhale Normality: The Mythical Creature

Once upon a time, in a land far away (probably just down the street), there was a legend about a mythical creature known as Normality. This elusive being was believed to have the power to make everything perfectly average. It roamed the fields of Mediocrity, blah...blah... as the crowd yawned.

Indeed, as the title described; it's nothing but mythical. It’s an intriguing concept until it eats you up alive. I'd gladly stray from something intangible. Have you ever been called weird? Do you frequently feel like an outsider? Since childhood, I've heard these remarks often, but each time, I'd let out a big exhale from the depth of my belly directed at the norm, much like Totoro from My Neighbour Totoro. Frankly, the little version of me understood that the best way to confront a mythical creature is with another extraordinary mythical creature.

2. Celebrate Your Very Own Brand of Uniqueness

The entire world seems to be fixated on finding ways to be unique, but as an autistic person, we stand out naturally without any need for gimmicks. So, bask in your own distinctive traits that define who you are.

With billions of people on the planet, it would be more concerning if we were all identical. Appreciate every aspect of yourself—list them out loud if you wish, or set reminders on your phone, or paint them on a canvas.

3. Ask a Million Questions

My uncle used to call me "Question Girl" because I was always curious and constantly asking questions, often to the point of annoying everyone around me. While adults believed I would outgrow this habit, I never did, and as an adult woman, I still have an endless stream of questions. How else can we learn?

There's so much we still don't know about neurodiversity, so it's natural to continue questioning and challenging what we think we know. This approach is acceptable for any other subject, so why not for autism? Search engines like Google have literally built their empires on our curiosity and the ability to keep questioning.

4. Explore Special Interests

For many of us autistic souls, finding a passion to focus on is second nature. In fact, we often become so absorbed in our special interests—completely oblivious to the world around us—that we might forget to eat or completely loss track of time.

Personally, I prefer having a passionate character trait over living life without anything to be passionate about. Whether the interest becomes a part of your identity or remains just an interest, you'll be so engaged in nurturing it that you might not notice your self-esteem has greatly increased.

5. Embrace You: The Secret Ingredient

As Mr. Ping in "Kung Fu Panda" revealed, the Secret Ingredient for his famous noodle soup is "NOTHING". To truly embrace our autistic identity, we must understand the philosophy that there’s no secret ingredient; it’s just a collection of things we discover about ourselves along the way.

We might cry and then drink water to rehydrate... We might laugh so hard that we roll on the floor, creating happy memories for the future... We might feel frustrated when generic solutions fail us, consider it as a chance to develop a better solution... We might love the wrong people, which helps us learn more about ourselves, understand crucial aspects for future relationships, and better our choices.

6. The Art of Standing Out

Whether you naturally stand out in a crowd or learn to blend in like a chameleon, both approaches come with their own costs. Our true identity is diverse, and we shouldn’t mask it up, we should be proud to stand out in our own way. We can embrace our strengths as we go against the grain and throw away the masks to reduce the ultimate cost. Otherwise, the price might be an Autistic Burnout, or even worse, losing our sense of self.

As an Asian autistic woman living in the West and having spent most of my career in the tech industry, I'm not afraid to stand out. Even before my autism diagnosis, I recognised my uniqueness and confidently embraced being different. Hiding ourselves doesn't prevent discrimination; it still exists. Therefore, we shouldn't stop enjoying our uniqueness, even if it makes others feel uncomfortable. So, stand out in your own special way, in whatever form it comes.

7. Acknowledging the Brilliance in Autistic Identity

No amount of research can ever represent your authentic experience or your ability to truly understand your identity. One of the most empowering actions we can take is to trust in ourselves. Being autistic offers many unique positive experiences and our distinctive perspectives enable us to achieve many goals (both big and small) in life.

There are 24 hours in a day, and we must set time aside to recognise the brilliance in our autistic identity and praise our unique brains for our daily resilience. We might not be conscious of each act of resilience, but believe me, we are embracing battles like a champ. Start praising yourself! Now!

8. Practice Authentic Self-Care

If the idea of a spa day makes you uncomfortable because you imagine reused towels and strangers touching your body, then it might not be your thing, and that's completely okay. Dedicate time to explore what self-care means to you and what truly fulfils your needs.

Self-care could be a day of doing absolutely nothing or taking a leisurely walk in your local park. It could be as simple as enjoying a cup of tea, as long as it brings you joy. Here are some ideas for prioritising yourself while exploring unique practices: Self-Care Beyond the Norm: Showing Up for Ourselves.

9. Advocate for Ourselves

Self-advocacy is an incredibly empowering tool. It may not feel natural at first, but it's important to remember that your voice matters and deserves to be heard—unless you're in a library, then maybe just write it in bold letters.

Being able to identify our needs and articulate them clearly in different situations can boost our self-esteem in all areas of life, making us feel like we can conquer the universe. Yeeeah! Maybe not quite the galaxy yet, but seriously, channel your inner Shakespeare and make your voice heard—just maybe not in a quiet zone!

10. Be the "Shifu" of Not Giving a S**t

"師父 - Shifu" translates to master in English, and we should strive to become our own masters in the art of giving less s**t. Let's take inspiration from Po in "Kung Fu Panda". As our amazing Po said, "Chitty-Chitty-Chat-Chat, Chit-Chat…" and that's really all there is to it. The world may highlight our differences, but ultimately, they hold no significance unless we give them weight.

On a personal note, I've learned not to give a s**t about discrimination related to my race, gender, or neurodiversity. We're all human, and if others can't figure that out for themselves, then their opinions are chit-chat of the smelly kind.

I proudly celebrate the genius of biculturalism—two cultures mean double the food and twice the awkward gatherings! Plus, my feisty nature thrives as a neurodiverse Asian woman in a male-dominated industry—it's entertaining to witness the constant confusion and disbelief in my capabilities. So, discover your unique way to giving less s**t and becoming the master.

Summary: How to Build Self-Esteem in Our Autistic Identity

We should take pride in our autistic identity and celebrate it. We simply start by exhaling normality, embracing our uniqueness, asking questions, exploring our special interests, mastering the art of standing out, practicing self-care, advocating for ourselves, and not giving a s**t about others' opinions. Basically, it's the universe's way of saying, "Don't sweat the small stuff." Instead we use each experience as a building block to learn how to value and respect ourselves.

So, don't let the world’s attempts to categorise us affect us—unless it’s a really bad sunburn, in which case, please care and apply sunscreen! Let’s raise our chopsticks and toast to not caring, because life is too short to worry about what others think.

Embracing More Discovery Ahead in Our Autistic Identity

Understanding our autistic identity involves many small steps, along with a healthy dose of self-discovery, acceptance, and celebration. Reflecting on my experiences post-diagnosis, I realise that embracing my autistic identity has led to greater understanding, creativity, and meaningful insights—such as knowing exactly which movie to watch for the hundredth time to help us relax, or gathering snacks with all the textures that make our taste buds dance.

While the quest requires effort, it is also filled with rewards that allow us to appreciate our uniqueness. By practicing self-acceptance, focusing on our strengths, and embracing our identities, we can enhance our self-esteem and confidence, transforming challenges into affirmations of our individuality. Forget fitting in; we're here to stand out like a flamingo in a flock of pigeons. And let’s be real, who wouldn’t want to be balancing on one leg amongst grumpy-looking London pigeons?

Celebrating our autistic traits not only honours our unique perspectives but also enhances the richness of diversity in our world. Remember, each step on your quest matters, and every trait that shapes you is worth celebrating.

Embrace the power of your autistic identity, and know you are not alone. Together, we can cultivate a community, whether in person or online, based on understanding, love, and appreciation for the diverse contributions we bring to our interesting world. Let’s celebrate our quirks, share our stories, and maybe even start a podcast called "Awkward Conversations with Autistics"—because who doesn’t love a good laugh over shared misadventures?