Autistic Women Self-Care Beyond the Norm: Showing Up for Ourselves

Self-care is like preparing a nutritious meal; we select the best (and most delicious) ingredients that not only make our dishes enjoyable, perhaps even making our taste buds dance a little, but also nourish our bodies and uplift our moods. If cooking isn't your forte, consider this analogy for self-care as autistic women: when enjoying a meal, you aim to consume the most flavoursome and sensory-pleasing foods available. Treat self-care as a dining experience, dedicating the time to discover your needs and how you can enhance the experience to care for yourself more effectively each day.

When it comes to eating, we can be quite particular because, at times, we simply can't tolerate certain textures. This is similar to recognising our needs and cravings to improve our human experiences beyond generic self-care practices. Just as our cars or bicycles (eco-friendly warriors) require regular maintenance and the right tools for optimal performance and safety, we shouldn't overlook our own self-care and understanding of what drives us.

In a world that often disregard the needs of autistic women or is filled with misconceptions about autistic individuals, personalised self-care is crucial for our overall wellbeing. Let’s select all the amazing ingredients we want and create a delicious meal (self-care routine). Before we begin is important to know self-care is far from one-size-fits-all. Instead, it should be tailored to fit our unique experiences and sensitivities.

In this blog post, I will recommend personalised self-care ideas for autistic women and anyone interested in the importance of customising wellness practices for our physical, emotional and mental health. Just as we know that adding whipped cream and giant marshmallows to our hot chocolate brings us joy—and how these personalisations can help us thrive despite societal misunderstandings.

Customising Autism Self-Care: Why Generic Isn’t Always Effective

Generic self-care practices, such as an hour-long massage with scented oil and a hot stone treatment, are often suggested by others who have enjoyed them and find them to be a delightful indulgence. However, for autistic women, this can be quite distressing. The scent of the oil can be overpoweringly strong, overloading our sense of smell, and the hot stones might be too hot or have an unpleasant texture, disrupting our sense of touch. As a result, what is intended to be a relaxing experience can become a sensory nightmare.

For instance, I was experiencing stress and muscle tension, and a friend recommended I try a massage, noting that the place offered a discount voucher. However, during the session, the pressure was quite painful and increased my tension, the scented oil caused me to sneeze, and the sheet on the massage table irritated my skin.

Joining fitness classes is another popular self-care activity focused on achieving wellness. While the physical exercises involve repetitive motions, which we enjoy, and improve blood circulation, certain subtle challenges in these classes can be discouraging for autistic individuals. Examples include overly bright lighting, limited personal space, or strong smell of sweat and what seems to be yesterday's lunch. Although others might not grasp the additional efforts autistic women make to maintain an active lifestyle, we can definitely overcome these hurdles with our unique strategies.

Conventional self-care techniques often miss the mark, emphasising the importance of personalisation. By crafting a self-care plan that reflects our unique sensory profiles, personal interests, and emotional needs, we can greatly improve our wellbeing, thriving like a plant that has finally found its perfect sunny spot—no more wilting in the corner! So, let’s embrace the quirky, unique, and the downright silly aspects of our self-care routines in the following sections.

Prioritising Self-Care: Creating a Personalised Toolkit for Autistic Women

Self-care is like a Phoenix: everyone talks about it, but most of us are just chasing rainbows, trying to figure out how to truly rise like one, and hopefully avoid getting ashes on our soft cottons. For autistic women, self-care can be a unique adventure, full of unexpected sidetracks and the occasional detour through the land of sensory overload.

After exploring different self-care methods, I discovered that building a personalised toolkit of grounding techniques and activities has been beneficial. This self-care toolkit can include comforting sensory experiences and calming practices that help us to show up for ourselves. Here are some ideas:

1. The Aroma of Success

Choose an aroma that works for you—camomile for relaxation, peppermint for focus, or a mysterious blend of laundry and leftover dinner. The aroma can be a few drops of essential oil on your favourite cushion or an infuser if you are fancy.

2. The Zen Master of Couch Potato Meditation

Sit in silence and try to clear your mind. Just kidding! Meditation is great, but sometimes, all you need is a comfy chair and a good book. Embrace the zen of lounging—enlightenment could be as simple as mastering the perfect potato position on your couch?

3. DIY Spa Day

Slap on a face mask boasting "all-natural ingredients" and brace yourself for the inevitable moment you see a swamp monster in the mirror. If you find yourself enjoying facial self-care, consider exploring the 10-step skincare routine. Each step can help melt a layer of stress, leaving you feeling refreshed, supple, and nourished.

4. Sensory Unload

Treat yourself to a sensory item. This could be noise-cancelling headphones or a soft blanket that feels like a warm, furry hug from a big bear. Discovering your preferred sensory tools is key. And if you happen to be hugging a teddy bear in public, it’s all part of the self-care routine! As an adult woman, I bring a teddy bear with me whenever I fly. Who cares?

5. The Great Outdoors (or Your Garden)

Step outside for some fresh air and take a walk in nature. With a bit of luck, you might even encounter a daring squirrel, leading you to question your wildlife documentary knowledge as you narrate the epic tale of the "Squirrel Who Thought Humans Were Food Dispensers".

6. Yoga for One

YouTube how-to videos come to the rescue for those who wish to avoid breathing in recycled gas from strangers in a crowded space and simply want to stretch like nobody's business. This allows you to learn techniques at your own pace, with no pressure to impress anyone but yourself.

7. The Power of Saying “No”

Learning to say "no" is like unlocking a secret superpower. Imagine the world asking "Hey, do you want to carry all my emotional baggage?" and you boldly reply "Nope!" while the wind blows through your hair, leaving everyone impressed. It’s not just a refusal; it’s a statement!

8. The Art of Self-Massage (or Rolling)

First, find a comfy spot. Ideally, it should be a place where you can lie down without interruptions, unless your dog is a skilled massage therapist with its paws. Now, it's time to get hands-on. Use your fingers to knead those knots like you're working with bread dough, or simply give a gentle rub. The goal is to determine your preferred pressure and areas to focus on.

Once you've figured it out, you can incorporate it into your routine, or make good use of those doggie paws. If nothing else works, just roll around on the floor until you feel massaged and identify what feels good. We all did it as kids, so there must be some logic in that to help us relax.

9. The Gratitude Popup

Have you ever practiced gratitude? Schedule an event in your phone's calendar, list one thing you’re thankful for, set a reminder, and add a new entry each day at varying times. This way, you'll receive positive popups from your phone, offering reminders with thankful reinforcement. If you run out of things, just write "matcha" or "ice cream" repeatedly, or anything else that brings a smile to your face.

10. Love Your Quirks

Being unique is your superpower! Whether it's your passion for collecting houseplants or your remarkable skill in spotting patterns everywhere, own it! These quirks make you uniquely you! So, why not show them off? And if anyone gives you a funny look, just remind them that normal is overrated.

In Summary: Embrace the Chaos of Self-Care

And there you have it! A self-care toolkit that’s both effective and entertaining. Remember, self-care doesn’t have to be serious—sometimes, a good belly laugh and a little bit of chaos are all it takes to remind you that life is meant to be enjoyed!

Unleash Our Inner Child for Self-Care

Before the responsibilities of adulthood overshadowed our inner child and disrupted our innocent self-care routines, you might have been similar to me, equipped with a great deal of little tricks for self-care. From an early age, I realised I was different, and those around me couldn't help me in managing my sensory experiences and emotions. Thus, I developed my own unique methods to stay regulated.

Since childhood, I have always enjoyed spending time alone, though society might label this as anti-social behaviour. However, we just value our inner world, which is endlessly fascinating and full of wonders. As we grow up, this tendency becomes less acceptable because we have responsibilities to care for others. For me, this shift happened a bit earlier, at the age of five, and I've neglected some of those magical things that nourish my soul.

We are never too old to care for ourselves with a sense of childlike wonder, regardless of how silly these methods may seem. Here are some of my "unique" self-care strategies before adulthood arrived at the age of five with a list of responsibilities:

1. Bubble Wrap Therapy

Why settle for a boring stress ball when you can unleash your inner child with bubble wrap? Each bubble you pop is like a tiny celebration, shouting, "You did it!". You can even twist that bubble wrap like a towel to pop all the bubbles at once, creating a harmony of pops that will make you feel like the ruler of a civilisation of bubbles. It’s not just therapy; it’s a full-blown bubble wrap Queendom!

For my childhood self and even now, it's a highly stimulating sensory experience. It's a free activity, especially if you receive many parcels, and even better if they come with eco-friendly bubble wraps.

2. Jenga

Simply constructing the Jenga tower brings a big smile to my face, as each block is carefully positioned to create a perfectly organised structure. I've even devised a technique to stabilise the tower by pressing sturdy cardboards against each side before starting the game, making it challenging to remove any block. Ooh… just writing about it is exciting.

The Jenga tower resembles building a skyscraper for ants, but with way more fun. Every time I pull out a block, it feels like defusing a bomb—one wrong move and the game is over. It's a game of skill, strategy, and planning—who says kids are clueless?

3. Chomping Crackers

The crunchy sound of crackers brings immense joy to my childhood self. This might be because the texture, taste and sound offer me a lot of stimulation. When I say chomp, I don’t mean devouring it all at once; rather, there’s a technique involved. It involves placing the cracker between my front teeth, feeding it in consistently, and chomping rapidly to mimic Pac-Woman.

Warning: crumbs alert! If you’d prefer not to clean up, consider doing this outside, where an army of ants can tidy up the mess for you.

4. Leaf Stomping

The vibrant autumn leaves arouse not only our eyes with the gradient of colours and patterns, they’re also incredibly satisfying for my sense of touch and hearing. As I stride boldly, much like the royal guards at Buckingham Palace—except instead of mostly standing still, I’m on a mission to transform every fallen leaf into a crispy snack for my ears! Each step unleashes a symphony of crunching sounds that could rival any band.

Who needs a soundtrack when nature provide its very own percussion section? I’m basically the Beethoven of leaf crunching, composing a masterpiece with every squish and crackle. Watch out, world; I’m here to make autumn the most entertaining season!

5. Create Our Own Inner World

As a child, I was often told that I was too mature for my age and showed little interest in making friends with peers. I enjoyed engaging in adult topics and activities, and I could talk endlessly with adults if given the chance (perhaps more accurately, I would follow them around and talk their ear off). We needed to find ways to stimulate our brilliant brains.

Due to my maturity, I wasn't interested in typical toys or children's games. Instead, I invented my own bank, complete with its own currency, loan agreements, and investment opportunities, which I offered to my family members. It's fair to say that some of the interests have accumulated significantly, and for one reason or another, I haven't seen the returns I projected in my business plan.

In Summary: Self-Care Tips From Our Inner Child

Ah, our inner child—the playful spirit that still believes in magic from the Monkey King fable, snack time, and the idea that naps are a legitimate lifestyle choice. I hope you appreciated the self-care tips straight from that cheeky little rascal. Take a page or even an entire chapter from your inner child’s playbook and sprinkle a little silliness to your self-care routine. After all, being an adult is just a series of nap breaks and cookie runs, right?

Building a Support Network for Autistic Self-Care

Imagine going to a café and only having the option of plain congee (savoury rice porridge), though I loved it as a child. And sure, it’s healthy, but where’s the joy? Self-care should be more like a gourmet buffet—filled with all the things that make your heart sing and your brain do a happy dance.

Now, let’s sprinkle some humour on this serious business of self-care! One powerful aspect of personalised self-care is realising we're not alone on this journey. Building connections with other autistic women is like discovering a secret menu at a café—you get fresh perspectives, support, and a sense of belonging. Plus, you’ll never have to eat plain congee alone again!

1. Group Activities

Engaging in group activities centred around self-care can be fulfilling. If you prefer, these can be virtual, because nothing says "self-care" like wearing pjs while pretending to be productive on a video call. Joining creative workshops can nurture both the mind and spirit, and who knows, you might even discover your hidden talent for toes painting.

These groups build connections that make us feel understood and less alone, unless you accidentally mute yourself while sharing your deep thoughts about the meaning of life—then you might just feel like a misunderstood mime!

2. Online Resources

There are countless online communities where autistic women share personalised self-care advice. It's like a virtual spa day, but instead of cucumber slices on your eyes, you get a whole buffet of self-care tips—minus the calories! Participating in these platforms can provide inspiration and suggest ways to customise our self-care routines. Feel free to initiate a discussion in the comment section below or share your own self-care tips.

Creating a support network not only provides access to valuable insights but also fosters a nurturing environment for us to be just us. Think of it as a garden of self-improvement where we all water each other’s plants, and occasionally, someone sneaks in snacks—because who doesn’t love snacks? Just make sure the snacks are sensory-friendly, because we’re all on a journey here!

Setting Healthy Boundaries and Prioritising Rest

Establishing healthy boundaries is a vital component of self-care. Many autistic women experience societal pressure and the obligation to fulfil external expectations, leading to autistic burnout. Learning to say no without guilt is crucial for our wellbeing. This could be expressed through a funny meme, a playful giant "naughty" foam finger (you likely know which finger is most meaningful here), or a firm, straightforward "NOPE!"

1. Prioritise Downtime

Intentionally scheduling breaks into our daily routines helps us recharge—like giving our brains a mini massage. Whether it's taking short tea breaks throughout the day, finding time for horizontal-pauses, or setting aside downtime for complete relaxation, these moments are crucial for our physical and mental wellbeing. So, go ahead, embrace those glorious moments of doing absolutely nothing. It’s not laziness; it’s strategic inactivity!

2. Recognising Emotional Needs

Emotional self-care deserves equal importance alongside physical self-care—because, let’s be honest, neglecting your emotions might cause you to lose touch with them. Personally, I find it challenging to recognise my own feelings and I rarely talk about emotions. Identifying and accepting our feelings can be empowering. It's like discovering a control panel you never knew existed—suddenly, you have the power to change the channel on your mood!

Consider keeping a "feelings log" to explore your emotions. It’s a great way to dig into your emotions without needing to pay a therapist in cookies—though let's be real, the currency I developed as a child is a solid currency. Plus, documenting your experiences can validate your feelings and provide clarity—like finally understanding why you experience emotional blindness, also known as Alexithymia.

In Summary: Healthy Boundaries and Downtime

These practices highlight that self-care is not just a luxury; it is vital for our physical, emotional, and mental wellbeing. Take the opportunity to explore your own ways of setting healthy boundaries and finding time for self-care—because if we don’t show up for ourselves, who will? Just ensure it's not that squirrel from earlier, as we'd only end up being used as a food dispenser.

The Empowerment of Autistic Women Through Self-Acceptance

Let's be real: society has conditioned us women to accept others, praising them as if they were god-like creatures, warts and all. If we have the ability to do this for others, why should autistic individuals be considered any less or just an afterthought? Personalised self-care naturally aligns with self-acceptance. By embracing our unique traits, we empower ourselves to prioritise our physical, emotional and mental wellbeing.

Acknowledging our strengths and challenges allows us to shape self-care practices that respect our individuality. By celebrating our identities as autistic women, we can transform them into sources of pride and motivation. Self-care for autistic women shouldn't be a guilty pleasure; instead, it should be embraced boldly and feel oh-so-satisfying!

1. Owning Your Quirks Like a Boss

Autistic women often have unique quirks that make us stand out. Instead of hiding those quirks, why not flaunt them? If we can draft an entire business plan while enjoying our favourite show, we’re not just quirky; we’re multitasking legends!

2. Ditching the Comparison Game

Comparing yourself to others is like trying to compare apples with oranges—they're both fruits, can be sweet or sour, and remain unaffected by anyone's opinions (not even a fibre of concern). We all have our own paths, and yours might just include a few more detours (and maybe a pit stop for ice cream). So, appreciate your distinctive path and don’t forget to enjoy the scenery!

3. Celebrating Tiny Wins

In our adventure of self-care as autistic women, it's crucial to acknowledge every achievement, no matter how tiny. Every step, whether it's experimenting with a new grounding technique or simply enjoying a relaxing afternoon, deserves recognition and celebration.

Embrace these moments as if you've just found the last piece of cake hidden in the fridge—because in the game of life, every little victory counts! So go ahead, do a little victory dance in your living room. Just be careful of the coffee table—it’s a sneaky obstacle for your knees!

Conclusion: Personalised Self-Care for Autistic Women

Ultimately, self-care means acknowledging our unique traits and embracing who we are—quirks and all. So, put on your favourite outfit, crank up your very own theme song, and strut through life like you own the place. As autistic women, showing up for ourselves makes us unstoppable, and the world better watch out!

Personalised self-care is not a fleeting trend; it is a necessity for autistic women aiming to improve our physical, emotional and mental health. By understanding our distinctive needs, creating customised toolkits, tapping into our inner child, building supportive connections, establishing healthy boundaries (no, auntie, I will not discuss my gift choices while I'm on the toilet), and embracing self-acceptance, we can cultivate spaces where our wellbeing thrives in any season—even during the chaotic winter blues!

As we, autistic women commit to showing up for ourselves, we not only empower our own paths; we also inspire others. Let's reshape the concept of autism self-care together and build a life rooted in authenticity and self-love, which is basically just a fancy way of saying "I heart myself, quirks and all!"

Embarking on this path to personalised self-care has the potential to transform our lives, guiding us to a place where we thrive rather than just survive. Together, let's uplift each other, celebrate our individuality, and prioritise our needs. Remember, self-care is not selfish; it's about being the main character in your own comedy—equipped with your own oxygen mask and laugh tracks!